Spinning kicked my...!

Well today was a pretty good day. I had a really good office hour with my chemistry professor. I had missed a lecture due to my Great Uncle Geoff's funeral and he was kind enough to give me a mini lecture of what i missed. His knowledge is remarkable. I think what i like most about the guy is that he is able to convey what would be a rather complicated idea in a way that i can understand. I hope that someday I am as committed to my profession as Professor Hampton is.

Today after work i rushed over to the gym to make the 6:15 "Interval Spinning class". I did not know very much about how spinning works. I knew that it was on a stationary bicycle but that was about all i knew. Well i learned a lot about it tonight. For one the bicycle is specially designed for the spinning class and is extremely adjustable. The regular bikes in the gym are not very adjustable at all and i was a little intimidated with the bike at first. One of the ladies that teaches the class helped me adjust my seat (saddle she called it) and handle bars. There were special pedals that wrapped around your shoe, as well as a manual intensity knob. The knob was the key to the whole thing. As we started going i was doing fine, but about 20 minutes in i was really feeling the burn in my legs as well as the seat ripping my butt apart. The class is supposed to last 45 minutes but i stopped and withdrew at about the 30 minute mark when my toes started falling asleep. I did not feel too bad cause the lady said i could work at my own pace to begin. I think i will try again when I've worked up on some of the regular machines and can do strenuous cardio for that long.

Tonight Sara helped me register for classes next semester. She is such an Angel to me when it comes to figuring out my schedule. I always get all worried thinking about how hard the semester is going to be and how I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. Then right when we think we have the schedule down there is a conflict and i start freaking out thinking that won't have any time to work. In the end we figure it out and i feel bad cause i was such a punk. She is truly wonderful to deal with me.

Speaking of Sara, we are getting married on October 11th. I still have a hard time believing that its really going to happen. It seems like we have been looking forward to it for a long time and the pieces are finally falling into place. Luckily Sara had a big part in planning her Sister's wedding so she has some stuff already down in her mind. I really don't think i can think of a more amazing thing than spending the rest of my time in this life and the next with the woman I love. She is truly special to me and keeps me grounded when i start freaking out about life and all that it entails. To be truly honest if i could pick one focal reason why I am doing all the stuff that I am to improve myself and free myself from Games and the like--it would be for her. She deserves the best Matthew that i can give her. It is the least i can do for having someone so amazing in my life.

Pumping Iron

Well its been a really good week so far. I am pretty dang tired today due to the fact that i was up walking around at Magic Mountain until midnight yesterday. Every year Sara's Dad gets the chance to buy $20 tickets to the park and from 7pm to midnight or so several companies get full access to all the rides and also a picnic is included. This year Sara and I took 3 of her younger siblings--Jason, 16--Brianna, 12--and Andrew 10. The part that we look forward to the most is the company picnic where in a back patio area in MM they have a buffet and a bunch of games and raffles for everyone to enjoy. It was a serious temptation to grab a bunch of fried chicken and a couple hot dogs and stuff myself. But i stayed true to my weight watchers points (the system turns all food items into a points value that can be tracked) and by the end of the night i felt weak, but happy.

Well the work all week payed off. Today at my weight watchers meeting i weighed in 6 pound lighter than last week. Several factors attribute to the first week's loss being higher than most weeks--including loss of water weight and shocking your body with a total change in caloric intake and calories. But i drank tons of water yesterday so the water weight couldn't have caused that much. Either way I am very happy and motivated to keep going. While I am on the subject of weighing in, its funny to look at some of the strategies i have used in the past to fool myself into thinking i was losing more. Back when i did the program before, if i would have a bad week i would try everything in my power to make that scale say less than it did before. I would pee before i went and pee right before weighing. I would sometimes drink like no water the day before or the day of to make sure that as much water from my liver and organs had been expelled. I would wear the lightest clothes that i could possibly find--i remember not wearing underwear one time! How ridiculous is that? Ironically it would put me just below where i was the week before, so that when i came in next time actually following the plan and wearing normal clothes (and underwear) i would actually be up again. So i told myself this time that i would play no games--that i would do the same thing every week and take what i get. Admitting to this kinda stuff actually makes me feel a lot better.

Yesterday I watched the docudrama "Pumping Iron", with Arnold Schwarzenegger on Youtube. I had always wanted to watch it but never got around to it. Something always fascinated me about bodybuilding--especially when i was working out more. To see these people so obsessed with their bodies. I guess I'm pretty obsessed too. In the end i just wanna be healthy and right now i don't feel healthy. I thought i would end with my favorite clip from the movie, its called "the pump".

Stability.

A key component in understanding how molecules interact with each other is to understand how stable they are. In order for a reaction to take place it is important to have 1 or more unstable reactants in order to propagate a reaction. Lets take the Benzene molecule for instance. It is a well known fact that benzene has a hard time reacting with anything because it is extremely stable. Some of the reasons why it is so stable revolve around its aromaticity. It is a Cyclic molecule for one--leaving it less open to nucleophilic attack. It is also completely conjugated showing a sharing of electrons across the entire face of the ring. The key is that over broad range of its parts it is balanced and complete.

Now you may ask why would i bring up Benzene like this? Well first off i would call my self a little bit of a science nerd with it being my major and everything (Molecular and Cell Biology). Secondly, i think its important to realize that stability in one's life is important. Prior to this last week i would say that my life was so imbalanced that i was much more on the side of volatile than stable. I would spend the majority of my free time playing video games or reading something online about video games. I would severely procrastinate anything of importance and the last of my priorities was schoolwork. I would stay up all hours of the night, which would shift my whole day forward several hours and leave me even less waking hours to accomplish those things that i needed to. In general if i were to be compared to a molecule it would look more like Trinitrotoluene (TNT). (for non science peeps--it goes boom.)

Today i feel like I'm heading in the right direction for who i want to be. Now its still pretty early to tell exactly how my life will finally end up to be. Either way i try to think of the man i want to become and the goals and dreams i want to accomplish. I have always wanted to go to dental school. In order to go there i need above a 3.5 GPA and good scores on the DAT. In order to get above a 3.5 GPA i need to change how i think about homework and keeping up with my studies. I need to have the same desire to hit the books as i did when i would enter the World of Warcraft. To put it in perspective--i remember several months ago i was studying for a test the next day in one of my classes. I had put it off for a while and this was my last chance to study. Well about an hour into studying i looked over at my computer and realized that there was something that i forgot to do on the game that would only take a half hour or so. Well 4 hours later and well after 1 in the morning i finally got back to studying. I started falling asleep 20 minutes after that and decided to wake up early to study the next day. Well, guess what? I didn't wake up early and i got the worst grade i had gotten on a test in a long time.

So I idolize my friend Benzene. He's got it figured out. That kind of stability is what i want in my life. Hopefully if i keep going on this path i will be able to look back and be glad that i didn't blow up back when i was a fizzling stick of explosive. Time will tell..

The Watchers of Weight

Right now its 12:12 am and my stomach is growling. I haven't heard that sound very much at all in the last few months and to be honest its a really good sound.

I started the Weight Watchers program again this last Saturday. As you may have noticed, the word again was included in that last sentence. I have a long standing history with WW. The earliest memory i have is around the age of 13, when i asked my mom if i could go to her weight loss meeting. I remember that the room was filled with mostly women, the majority of which were wearing their "weighing in clothes". These clothes were meant to add as little to the scale as possible so as you can imagine there were some scantily clad overweight women in that room. The leader's name was Millie and i can remember her voice almost to this day with its slight scratchiness--yet a surprisingly comforting voice. "Remember that your Dinner plate is not supposed to be like Magic Mountain!" she would say to someone who complained about portion control. I don't remember much else besides that.

The next part of my life that saw the scales of WW was in high school. At the time i was going to be a junior and the only thing i could think of was being like my best friend Derek. He had lost all his "Baby Fat" (as his mom constantly called it), and was suddenly at a normal weight. I was determined to follow in his footsteps and once again i petitioned my Mom to let me come with her. This time i remember more vividly the meetings we attended. The leader's name was Cristy and she was some weirdo bleach blond woman that just didn't make it in life as the country singer she wanted to be. So she taught weight loss meetings instead. The coolest part is that everyone that worked there had been through the program--so in some small way they knew what they were talking about. I was successful at the program and dropped around 40 pounds from 230. It was a huge relief to know that i could do it.

I stayed roughly the same weight from then on (fluctuating up and down 10 pounds or so), and left on my mission to Ohio. You may think to yourself that you see the mormon missionaries either walking around or riding around on bikes all day--so that means they are in shape, right? Well what you don't see is that every night a member of the church has the missionaries into their home and feeds them what is Christmas dinner to most people. So it was a little tough keeping the weight off. Luckily i had some friends on the mission that were crazy about lifting weights and stuff and they kept me in check. In the end i came home with more muscle mass and the best shape i had been my entire life: right around 200 pounds with a good deal of muscle.

To make a long story short, the following months saw mad amounts of movie watching and video game playing, with little in the ways of exercise. Before i knew it i had put on almost 30 pounds. I headed back to WW again, saw some success but dropped out early for some lame reason. 8 months after that, i returned to those same scales to find that i was up to 252 pounds. Even more determined to succeed i went again, and some vacation or something sent me flying off the program and i failed again. Talk about no commitment.

That brings us to this last Saturday. After putting it off for long enough I returned again with the eminent coming of my wedding in 5 months. I told myself that i needed to get the weight off, that i felt terrible in every way physically and that i was a disgrace to my health conscious self right off the mission. When i stepped on the scale i couldn't believe it--283 pounds! How could i have put on that much weight in just over 2 years time. It was incredible to me. Ironically the leader of the meeting that I'm in on Saturdays, Adrienne, is Millie's daughter. She is actually really inspirational and i think that she is a good fit for me.

My first goal, which is also the first goal you are supposed to have in the program, is to lose 10% of my body weight. That's 28 pounds. The 2nd Goal is to have lost a total of 20% of my body weight by the day of the wedding. That 's 56 pounds. You heard it, you can quote me. Wish me luck!

Time and Goals...

Well I had a test this morning in my political science class and i think it went pretty well. My hand is a little cramped, but ill live. On the way home from school (Its about a 40 minute drive from CSUCI) i was thinking a lot about time and how our use of the time we have is directly related to how much we can accomplish.

It's a well known fact that on the list of my positive character traits, you will never find punctuality listed. As my family and fiance can tell you i am probably one of the latest people in existence. I don't know if you can call it a character flaw really, but in any event i rarely find my self "in the black" when it comes to time management. Ive asked myself why I'm late all the time. These were the reasons i came up with:

1. I know that the consequence for being late is not severe enough.
2. Some other action in progress has enough power to hold my attention to make me late.
3. I don't care about whatever it is enough to be on time.

I know for a fact that number 3 can't be true. I am late to see Sara my fiance often. However I love her tremendously and care about her. Number 1 can apply cause i know that when I am late for her, she will be annoyed initially but eventually after some groveling she will like me again. Number 2 has some interesting sway in being late and might be just some dumb excuse--but especially when it comes to Video games there is always one last creature to kill or one more treasure to uncover. I would accredit number 2 a majority of the time to apply to World of Warcraft (at least in the last 2 years).

And so i guess what i have been thinking about is how will the absence of games affect this extreme weakness in my life. I hope that i will be more conscious of where i need to be and when. In any event this is one of my most major goals in the wake of ending my gaming addiction. I think ill end today's entry with a list of major goals that i hope to address in the next few months of my life. Don't worry ill talk more about them later.

1. Be more on time.
2. Drop to a healthy weight.
3. Improve my study habits.
4. Stop biting my nails.
5. Read my scriptures, pray, and be involved more in church activities.

There's a start....................................... (click image)

Where does RL begin?

Now. Real Life begins now. Its strange to think that a person would have to make that distinction--but to someone so hopelessly engrossed in something that could be coined "not of this real life" it is a common uttering. Lets get right to the point: I'm addicted to video games.

Ever since i was a little kid i can remember playing games with my dad. My earliest memory is him bringing home the original Nintendo and spending hours with him in the imaginary world of Zelda, or Mario Brothers. This led way to Sonic via the Genesis system, and then Super Nintendo followed with even more amazing graphics and gameplay. The list goes on--Sega CD, 32x, Playstation, Nintendo 64, and Playstation 2. In each phase of my life, playing games was a reward for work whether it be school or any other responsibility i had with church. The one redeeming value of video games found on "consoles" like Playstation, are that they usually have a definite end. You can beat them and feel accomplished.

Unfortunately not all games are like this. In high school i became more involved in playing PC games, because they offered me a chance to play against more than just 2-4 players--you could have anywhere from 15 or more players all playing together. In time i was introduced to a game called Everquest. The concept was intriguing: A multiplayer Role-playing game in which there was no end. In addition this game required a monthly fee to continue play. What a brilliant idea--for once there was a game that evolved over time. It had no end. There was always another expansion to expand the game world and gameplay. I played pretty religiously for 10th and 11th grade and had to finally call it quits due to it taking up way too much of my time.
In the absence of EQ i replaced my game time with other games like Counterstike, and Starcraft. I told myself, "these games can be played for a half hour or an hour to success, unlike EQ that required hours to get setup in a position to make the time worthwhile. I was still playing way too much, but i told myself that it was alright--cause at least i wasn't EQ.

saw an absence of playing any game at all for over 2 years, as i served as a missionary in Ohio for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon). Playing games, let alone watching Television were strictly against the rules. I came to a certain realization that we were so successful out there because we had fewer distractions and more time applied to our focuses than at home. I remember vividly promising myself that when i returned from my mission that i would not let that aspect of my life, gaming, take over ever again.

When i returned home It wasn't as easy to keep to my promise as I had planned. My dad had always been an avid gamer himself and to reward me for my time out in the field he loaded up our family computer with the best of the best games from my missing 2 years. Half-life 2, Counterstrike Source, and Farcry were just a few that i remembered. I got into an online game called Runescape--similar to EQ but free of charge to play and on a much simpler level. Before long i was back into mainstream online gaming. In fact i remember taking a really light load the first semester back at college because i wanted to afford more time to catch up on all the movies and games i had missed for 2 years.

One of my friends John Michaelson, who played EQ back in high school with me, approached me with a new game that had been out for a while. The game was called World of Warcraft. It was based off of the famous real-time strategy series from blizzard--yet applied to the same genre of games as EQ. This new age Massively Multiplayer Online Game (MMO) was incredible. The learning curve wasn't very steep and everything that i didn't like about EQ was fixed. It was the kind of game that my missionary self would beg and plead with my gaming self not to get involved in. But i didn't listen.

Fast forward 20 months from that date and i look back at the sheer amount of time that i have invested in that game and it astonishes me. It has been an integral part of who I have been for the last almost 2 years. I thought about going into the details of it--the ridiculous social structure and guild system--but its not why i am starting this blog. I am here to tell the world that i desire to break free of these bonds that have held me for so long. As of tonight i have given anything of value in the game to my friend John (the same one who got me into it) and have uninstalled the game. In addition, looking back to my previous experiences with replacing WoW with other games, i have uninstalled every game on my computer.

This is It. Real Life begins now. It is time to grow up and put away childish things. I pray i have the strength to do this seemingly impossible task.